The Catalyst

You know, sometimes there are times in life when you really don't know what is going on in the world. You just can't seem to understand why things are like so, and why things are not like so; but as you try to analyse that further, dwell into your head more, trying to understand why this happens, you soon realise that it is not the world u are not understanding, but your own mind. Its these situations that one experiences, that confuse the hell out of them, and its really hard to understand the same.

It is exactly these situations that drive us to do insane things, things we'd never do in consciousness, with which i mean complete control of one's self, not letting emotion, hate, booze or the very same topic I talk about, control it. But why?

Consider a man in love (forget all the miscellaneous things involved) - he'd do crazy things if his love left him for another person - maybe he'd use a sharp knife and mark himself with her name, maybe he'd hurt himself, maybe he'd go to the extent of killing this other man - BUT - he knows why he's doing it, he knows who is responsible for his misery, he knows whats going on and why his mind is acting that way.

What I talk about here is far away from this though. I talk about sudden emotions running in your head, mind, heart, without any explainable reason. I talk about those sudden surges of "feeling" in your body. U suddenly feel out of the energy of life, u suddenly feel exhausted of life and the living. What is this? Of course a psychiatrist would say - its nothing, you are just stressed, there's something troubling you, unconsciously, maybe in your sub conscious mind. I don't want these explanations. I wanna know a simple reason why the body reacts this way for no reason whatsoever.

But then again, I analyze further. I look more deeply into what happened before and after the "DEPRESSION". And the answers are not that surprising. There is a catalyst. Thats all there is to it. A catalyst. Something that triggered it off. A man who hates a criminal who murdered his family cannot very easily get over the hatred he has for this criminal. But consider he has, at least he believes that he has. He goes on with his life and one day catches a glimpse, only a glimpse, of another family in the supermarket, father holding his little daughter in his hands, his wife clutching his arm... That was the catalyst. He goes home, sits on his bed and cries himself to sleep and doesnt even know why. He wont realise what happened, he wont realise why he was crying, until he analyses what happened just before he went into that phase.

This is what I'm trying to prove, just something that ran in my head, randomly. Have i felt it? Yes of course i have. Have i wasted your time reading this, yes i may have.. :-)
So until next time - ciao...